Talks With Tati

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Stepping on Toes with my Jordan’s on

Hello there my good people!! You know what, I’m not even going to apologize because at this point ya’ll get me. Listen, 2020 has been anything but remorseful, and I’m literally living in the moment as they come along. I can only hope that ya’ll are doing the same, because this year alone has been more than exhausting. We’ve made it to level 11 in Jumanji 20.0… so let’s just prepare ourselves mentally shall we, because whew!

What did level 11 bring us, or start us off with? The election… and honey chile, honey chile H O N E Y CH I L E… The world, well some of the world is in the words of my 4 year old is “pretty upset mama”. I mean I get it… your person of choice lost, or maybe your not so ideal candidate won? I don’t know, but guess what… Joseph, nor Donald know who we are *gasps* so I don’t know why, nor do I understand why people are are defending them the way they are. You know what I do understand? It’s not about politics anymore, it’s personal… very very personal and a few of the people on my Facebook timeline have made that known, indirectly of course.

Before you go any further, this is the part where where I start stepping on toes with my Jordan’s on. I’m going to start with the Retro 1’s because they’re my favorite.

Me.

Let me lace up my 1’s… so when I did I first realize it was personal?

Where to Buy the Air Jordan 1 Retro High OG "Bloodline" Today | Air jordans  retro, Air jordans, Sneakers nike
1’s are just Lit…

When people were mad about the selling of guns online stopping, or something like that… *please correct me if I’m wrong* Um… do you know how easy it is to do ANYTHING online? My toddler ordered 3 Iron Man dolls online… oh let’s not forget about the person who filed for unemployment in my name all the way in Rhode Island.. side note, can I have like $50.00 of the $238.00 you got sir/ma’am? All jokes aside, I really don’t think restricting online gun sales is a problem more like a precaution? because well if you can make a new email every 30 days for free Netflix, imagine how easy it is to create a profile to by a gun online and before you know it another school shooting… AGAIN but hey… people don’t see it that way. “Their freedom is being taken from them” ummm you can still buy them….right? just not at home in jammies. If I’m wrong please correct me, I have a master’s degree in Human Resources… not gun policy.

3’s oooh I love 3’s with some cute socks

As I’m walking in my 3’s getting ready to step on some more toes, I realized something else that was personal: Not only are people mad that the Vice-President Elect is a woman… they’re mad she’s a black woman. *sigh* Here it is, 2020 and people are so jaded and color blind that they refuse to celebrate the fact A WOMAN IS THE VICE PRESIDENT. We’ve had 48 MALE Vice-Presidents. You do realize in 1789 when this position came into existence it was NEVER made or intended for a woman? Like never… ever. The woman’s rights movement didn’t start until 1848. Let’s be transparent, a black woman was never entered in the equation.

I’ve read comments from people everywhere and again, it’s more personal than political:

  1. “Have you seen/read about her past? She’s HORRIBLE how dare you vote her in office” — So we’re judging people based of their pasts now? *head scratch* If I told you about my past, would you judge me too or say “damn girl you made a complete turnaround” Another question… who are you to judge anybody? Last time I checked that’s God’s j… never mind.
  2. “She’s a cheater!!” — is she a cheater because your candidate lost or because you have proof and you were in Pennsylvania? Your husband cheated and you stayed…or you saw your best friend cheat and didn’t’ utter a word… When you read #3 make sure you reiterate the importance of making sure “sore loser” isn’t a characteristic of a role model..
  3. “She’ll never be a role model for my daughter!!!” – so you mean to tell me you’re going to tell your daughter she can be anything she wants in this world except vice president of the united states because of your personal thoughts/feelings? You’re setting the standard… also children don’t care about politics (just FYI)
  4. “She has no morals” – I have to LOL at this one because you can’t be serious… Matter a fact, I’m going to step on your toes in a different pair of Jordan’s for this one.

You have to be careful when you get 6’s they tend to make your feet look big…

For this one… I’m going to wear my 6’s I always get them a size smaller because I’m not going be walking around with boats on my feet…

Air Jordan 6 Hare CT8529-062 – Official Release Date | SneakerNews.com

Morals, that’s where I left off at right? Can you be a hypocrite and still have morals? I’m only asking because… saying “grab her by the p—y” is kind of ummm degrading don’t you think? Crazy part is, everyone seems to have forgotten that OR they pacify it. “it’s okay, it’s just locker room talk”… So much for integrity huh? Let’s be 100% real here… If your daughter came home in tears because my son and his friends made that comment to her or around her you’d want him punished to the highest extent THEN you’d question me and my parenting… God forbid him and his friends walk in their locker room changing and he says “Here. pick one they’re all yours” STONE HIM!! would be your response… I mean I could go on and on, but do you see what I’m getting at? IT’S PERSONAL!!! It’s okay for the highest in charge, but if my youngin does it I’m pretty sure you’re calling for him to be suspended for a few days…

If you’re still here, thanks… If not I get it. I stepped on your toes and it hurts but the truth hurts. To be clear racism didn’t start in 2016, it was amplified and made comfortable. It kicked off back in 2008, but that’s another story. That’s why I don’t understand why people are so hurt about this election… The chance to denounce racism was given and it was ignored. A 7 year-old boy told my son “I can’t talk to you because your brown, and DT doesn’t like brown people”… So again, it’s personal. Now, let me say this; I’m not saying everyone who supports that agenda is racist because I know some that aren’t and business wise I get it (kinda?) but there’s still a few… that make me question them as a whole, so much to the point that’ll keep my child far far away.

While I’m stepping on toes, there’s a select few that are using religion as a crutch in all this and let me say this. Please stop. Religion and Politics have NEVER went hand and hand. Also, you’re stuck in the Old Testament way of doing things, in Matthew things changed and so should you.

We’re supposed to love one another regardless of the color of our skin, who we love, and where we come from right? Because we’re brothers and sisters in Christ right?

So why can’t you accept the fact that the Vice-President Elect is a woman? a black woman?

Why can’t you accept the LGBTQ+ community? and don’t tell me it’s wrong because “let him who is without sin cast the first stone” and well… I know you’ve sinned, no one sin is bigger than the next, and who are you to judge…

Why can’t you accept Muslims?

Why can’t women do what they want with their bodies?

Why can’t you accept that just because my son has brown skin, doesn’t mean he’s a thug and he deserves less than the next?

Why can you confidently stand behind someone who who can’t and won’t accept any of these?

because it’s not political… it’s personal.

That’s the last toe, I promise.

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My Son Fits The Description…

This is another one of those blogs that won’t start out the way they normally do, and I’m not sorry. I know I in my last blog I said I would get back to it, however given the circumstances it’s been postponed to another blog post.

Bare with me.

I have son. He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s smart but he’s brown. He loves Avengers and Mac-n-Cheese, occasionally he’ll dance but he has dreads. He’s very outspoken, he stutters when he gets excited, and he cries after catching fish because the hook in the fishes mouth is hurting it. He’s full of compassion and sensitive to a fish’s well being lol.  In my eyes he’s perfect, but in America’s eyes he’s a thug, he’s a threat and he fits the description. My son doesn’t see color, and I honestly don’t think he knows the difference between black people and white people. Actually, I know he doesn’t know the difference. He has a best friend who is caucasian and he refers to him as his brother, and he will get mad if you say otherwise. My son’s hair is coarse, black, and jaw length dread locks, his best friend’s hair is blonde, fine and in a cute bowl cut — my son says they’re twins. He doesn’t see color, and I won’t tell him otherwise.

Why can’t America have that same mindset?

Although my son is only four years old, I’ve made it a point for him to get to know the police officers in our city. Why you ask? Because I don’t want him to growing up fearing the people who are supposed to protect and serve us. I’ve also made it a point to let him know not to make any sudden movements if I get pulled over by a police officer, I don’t want the people who are supposed to protect and serve us to fear him; because you know he fits the description. At some point I’m going to have to tell him he’ll have to work 10x harder, keep his hands where they can be seen and that some people in this world don’t like us because of the color of our skin.

Why is this your mindset America?

I fear for more than just my son, I have two brothers one older and one younger who I think about daily. My oldest brother is in shape, likes to workout and I hope he doesn’t jog around his neighborhood — If he does jog around his neighborhood, I don’t want him too anymore. My youngest brother loves skittles, so much so that he hid them from me because he didn’t want to share them — I don’t want him to walk to the store to get any more if he runs out. My son occasionally thinks he’s an Avenger and shoots nerf guns at bad guys — I don’t want him playing with his nerf gun outside of my living room.. If you’ve had to ask yourself ‘why’ at any point during those last few sentences, three different black/brown boys have been shot and killed for doing those exact things because they fit the description.

Why did America allow that?

It’s the year 2020 and here we are. Fighting racism, fighting social injustices, fighting police brutality, and fighting for our freedom to jog, buy skittles, and play with toy guns because we fit the description. We didn’t choose this description, America gave it to us and now we’re stuck with it. No matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we fight we will always be given the lesser of everything. No matter how many degrees I’ve earned, no matter how many certifications or letters I have behind my name, I will be labeled as the black woman who is raising a thug, God forbid I get angry and voice my opinion, now I’ve become the typical ‘Angry Black Woman’.

Why are you doing this America?

There is a time we don’t fit the description.  When we win titles, championships, and make your favorite songs. We fit the descriptions of heroes, “G.O.A.T.”s, and the best to ever do it —  we might even be talented, but that’s the only time.

We never fit the description when it benefits us, America.

We only fit the description when it makes you look good, America.

We will always fit the description when your hatred for us has fuled your racist rage to a point where you end up murdering us, for jogging, eating skittles, and playing with toy guns.

 

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I’m Sorry, but I can’t…

This post is going to start off totally different from what you’re used too. Normally there would be a grand introduction, a couple of GIFs, and some pretty colors, well I’m sorry, I can’t do that this time. I promise I’ll do it the next go round. I just need this moment to be transparent and to release everything that I’m feeling. 

As I’m writing this, I’m literally holding back tears and the urge to scream. I know I’m not supposed too, and I know I always write about the importance of not holding stuff in but I’m so full of mixed emotions that I don’t know which one to let out first. Believe it or not, this has nothing to do with COVID-19 or Quarantine. I’ve actually enjoyed it. I’ve worked out more, tried different crafts, and OMG small Mom & Pop restaurants have the best food! Not to mention I’ve saved a lot of money, and I’ve finally gotten to know my neighbors after living in this neighborhood for a year. Oh and my TikTok skills are amazing.

All of this is coming from a place where I used to be so proud of, a place I used to be so grateful to have… It’s coming from my heart. I used to pride myself on having a BIG heart and the constant urge or want to help people. I genuinely felt like it was my purpose, hence my career in Human Resources. But now… I’m questioning all of it, and as horrible as it may sound I don’t want to do it anymore. Not the whole Human Resources thing because I’ve paid too much money to get this far, but the aspect of helping people. I just don’t want to do it any more… 

I’m sorry, but I can’t do it anymore.

It just seems like there’s been countless instances where I stick my neck out or bend over backwards for people and I get left hanging in the dust so to speak. Know matter what, I always get the short end of the stick. I look out for people, I sacrifice something of mine for their benefit and I’m just left there. That’s not saying I expect something in return, but I always get burned… always.  After a while you start to feel taken for granted and disappointed, not in the people that you’ve helped but in yourself.  As of right now , that’s where I currently am. This isn’t just from a personal standpoint, but a business one as well. I’ve stretched myself thin, and I’m tired.  I’m mad at myself, I’m disappointed in myself and the sad part is I care so much that I won’t allow myself to be upset with anyone else. So of course I’m taking it out on myself, and my anxiety is having a field day. 

I’m sorry, but I can’t do it anymore.

It’s not because I don’t want too, but mentally and emotionally — I can’t handle it anymore. It’s almost like being a human punching bag. It’s exhausting and it hurts. I’m pretty sure you’re like “Tati just say no” I’ve tried that and it hurts worse because you genuinely want to help and you don’t want to be left with a feeling of regret or thoughts of “what will happen if I don’t help”. God forbid something happens to them because you said no… Talk about a ‘lose-lose’ situation. I’d really beat myself up then.

I’m stuck.

It’s an internal battle that I’m tired of fighting within myself. I know you reap what you sow and good things will end up coming from it, but is my mental health worth it at this point? They say doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity… I don’t wanna be insane in the membrane, 2020 is already doing too much. 

I can’t do it anymore.. at least for now.

 The crazy thing is, right now I’m telling myself:

Don’t help anyone else,

no more favors,

stop looking out for people

but I can guarantee you I’ll end up helping someone else, doing more favors and looking out for people because my heart won’t let me leave someone in need…

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All seasons are winning seasons…

OOUUWEEE!

It’s Wednesday and guess who is droppin a blog!! I’m getting back in the swing of things!!

lailaswisdom ooowee GIF by Rapsody

As I’m writing this, I’m on my couch waiting for Door Dash to bring my Chipotle. I’m literally in my zone, I may or may not go to the gym after this. If you’ve been rocking with me for a while, you know I am when it comes to the gym. I use this blog as my outlet, but the gym is my other. I kinda got off track there, but if you’ve been rocking with me for a while, you know I tend to do that from time to time. Thank you for the past, present and future lol

Let’s jump into this blog post, shall we?

jumping in GIF by America's Funniest Home Videos

I don’t know where you may be reading this from, but here in Alabama, the weather is everywhere. It’s been one of the coldest, rainiest seasons ever and honestly, I’m over it.

sad the emperors new groove GIFI don’t know even know what season it is, but it’s probably the worst one I’ve experienced. When it rains, it pours and it’s not just regular rain ya know? The raindrops are huge and they’re cold! I’ve lived in some cold places in my lifetime, but they have NOTHING on these raindrops. On top of it being cold, you’re limited to what you can do. Let me rephrase that, I’m limited to what I can do because once I’m in the house, I’m in the house. You can only flip through Netflix and Hulu for so long. Long story short, if it’s a rainy season where you are, it sucks and you’re losing!

OR DOES IT?

If you really thought I was going to go on a tangent or whine about rainy weather, then you really don’t know me lol. Now if you knew that at some point I was going to tie all of this together and make it make sense, then you know me so very well. *insert emoji with the side palm* Wait, is that the name of the emoji? Matter a fact, what is the name of the emoji?? If you find out, please let me know! But, back to our regularly scheduled program…So, where was I? Oh, yea… you could continue to look at this season as wet, cold and just overall horrible but that’s looking at it in its present state or maybe just one or two days… but that’s all it is, one or two days. There’s always the days when the rain stops.

Image result for ray j one wish gif

After all the rain is gone, what normally happens? The sun comes out, the birds are chirping and if you’re lucky you’ll catch a rainbow or two. At that point, the rainy season isn’t so bad after all is it? Oh, by the way, some of the best music videos have been made in the rain.

Let’s take it a step further… After it rains your grass sprouts up a few inches, the flowers that are on your nosey neighbor’s bush are a little brighter, and if you’re like me you get a free car wash. So if you look at it, the rain brought growth, did some refreshing and did some cleaning, not bad at all. That doesn’t seem like a horrible season to me…

peter griffin boys GIFWhen it was raining, I built a fort with TJ and we ate pizza and candy and watched Avengers all day. It was the best bonding time anyone could ask for. Did you catch what else could happen in your rainy season? Bonding. It doesn’t have to be with a person, it could be with yourself, your craft, or even a dog or cat (whatever). Bonding also equates to happiness, and let’s face it everyone deserves some sort of happiness right?

So the question remains, does your season really suck? are you really losing?

Or did the season cause you to step back and do something that makes you happy? Did the season cause you to grow in areas that you didn’t know needed growth? or did the season cause you to reflect and clean up a few things?

I just went through my own little season and I’m thankful for it.

There’s no such thing as a losing season! You grow from and in every single season that you enter. If personal growth and development isn’t a win, then I don’t know what is.

I gained more than I lost, and to me, that will always be a win. 

There’s no such thing as a losing season.

Seasons 0 Tia 204,847

 

 

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Protect your spirit and your space like you do your Iphone.

Talks With Tati

With the Iphone 8, Iphone 8 plus and the Iphone X dropping I felt like this title or “topic” was perfect. Let me go ahead and turn on Kendrick Lamar’s “Don’t Kill My Vibe” real quick and then we can get started.

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about Iphone users, it’s that they go hard for their Apple! My goodness!! They go hard in the paint like Waka Flocka did when he came out in 2009! They are the first in line when it’s dropping at the stores. Yall, they have their pre-order already set up just in case they can’t make it to the stores! They get my respect because when Samsung drop, I’ll get it when I get it. You know what else they go hard about? The care of their Iphone.  I live with an avid Iphoner (is that a word?), so I know the importance…

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Time Outs…they’re not just for toddlers

I thought about using Adele’s “Hello…it’s me” but that rise and shine gets me every time lol! Like I cry real tears I laugh so hard. Anywho, hello there to those of you who stuck around through yet another one of my hiatuses! and Welcome to those of you who might be joining us for the very first time. I’m not going to make you stand up and introduce yourself like they used to do at church! lol!! I feel like I have some catching up to do, so give me a minute… Before we take a dive into everything I want to say:

Happy Birthday! (if I’ve missed it)

Happy Halloween! (because I think I missed it)

Happy Thanksgiving!! (because I know I missed it)

Merry Christmas!! (because I definitely missed it)

Happy New Year!! (because I just missed it)

Okay, does that touch on everything? If not I sincerely apologize, charge it to my mind and not my heart. I think the last time I wrote was early September when we were talking about being in a paralyzed mindset … WOW it has been a minute. Well since then I’ve been dealing with the fact that not only do I have test-taking anxiety, but I also have “High Functioning Anxiety”.

The fact that it took an exam for me to realize this is crazy, but I’m glad it did. If you look at the characteristics on the left, you pretty much see/get me. I’m detailed oriented… if something is being planned, I have to know everything that’s happening — like everything. So don’t invite me anywhere and it’s not together lol. I’m outgoing, very active, and super helpful. I’m a pretty hard worker, and by passing my PHR Certification (i’ll explain this later) with only 3 weeks of studying (you typically need MONTHS) I’d say I perform well under pressure lol If you’ve been following me since I’ve started, you know how I am when it comes to loyalty and the “trouble” that it’s gotten me into. All of those are great characteristics, right? I mean I would like to think so myself, but not everyone sees it that way; they see or experience the right side. Lately, when my friends say “Tia… you’re doing too much” it’s them experiencing the right side — I get it now. Recently I was told I get “upset” or “frustrated” when things don’t happen when I want them too, or how I want them too. Here’s a question… Am I really upset or am I overthinking, over planning or experiencing a fear of failure? I’ll let you think about that and come back to it.

Image result for high functioning anxiety quotes

Don’t worry, I’m going to make all of this make sense…Now I bet you’re like “how did a stupid test bring about anxiety…Tia you doing too much” or my favorite “You’re overthinking this..” Well, this just wasn’t any test. A PHR Certification (Professional of Human Resources) is like a bar exam for those of us in HR, one of the many. See, my manager made this Certification Test apart of my 2019 work objectives (feel the pressure yet?) If I didn’t pass this 175 question test within the 3-hour time frame that was given, I could be rated “Unsuccessful” and I either wouldn’t have a job in 2020 or I wouldn’t get any raise that was coming my way. Also, this test has 5 major sections you have to study and each one is weighted differently. If you weren’t stressed two sentences ago, you should be now. Can you see why this High Functioning Anxiety or overthinking kicked in? 

See I thought I was crazy, and in most cases, I can be lol But this time the second-guessing everything, the criticizing, the taking things personally… it wasn’t me being crazy. It was my anxiety and it had taken things to a whole nother level. You know what the worst thing about this? Insomnia! THE. WORST. That’s when I realized I needed to do something about all of this, and QUICK, but because I couldn’t really figure out what was going on in my head, I couldn’t really figure out how to stop and/or fix it. Then one day, it happened… My kid started acting up and he ended up in timeout. After a few minutes with his nose in the corner, he had a new attitude… he had a new outlook, and he some new feelings.

* I don’t need any mom/behavior bashers coming for me.. MY kid, MY rules* Disipline YOUR kid in YOUR house how YOU please 🙂

Maybe I needed a time out…

Maybe I needed to get away from whatever it was that was triggering me, and focus on something else, something better, and something that didn’t disturb my peace.

So that’s exactly what I did.

I put myself in time out.

Image result for adult timeouts

 

No, I didn’t sit in a corner and think about what I did wrong, but I did take a minute to breathe and meditate. I would literally unplug from whatever it was that triggered my anxiety. It could have been anything from a person, a comment, a post, or even a test. If it caused me to second guess, I needed to disconnect. That was pretty catchy as I go back and read it.

I would do something as simple as watch Grey’s Anatomy or go to the gym, sometimes I would try new make-up looks on myself. Anything that gave me a sense of happiness. If it was something that I couldn’t shake, I would call my friend who knows my heart and my spirit just to hear her voice. I have a best friend in Arizona, and I can just send her one emoji and not only will she understand what I have going on, but she’ll also send me positive affirmations that I would read to myself. Sometimes it took blocking out a person for a few minutes, hours, or days…but hey it brought me peace, and we all know I like to protect it like I do my iPhone.  One weekend I even got a room at a hotel and just chilled. I took a step back from what put me in a bad space, or sent me a bad vibe and focused on ways and things that made it better. After my timeout was over, I felt better and my attitude changed — just like my 3 year old’s.

I say all of that, to say this:

Timeouts aren’t just for toddlers.

I always say you can’t pour from an empty cup, but you can’t pour from a broken one either, plus I can almost guarantee you that you wouldn’t drink from a nasty one…

Writing is another way I get through my “anxiety moments” and this post just made things so much better.

PEACE & LOVE

Now that I have my PHR, time to get this MHRM (Masters of Human Resources)

July 2020

 

 

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A Paralyzed Mindset.

Related image

I know, I’m getting horrible at this coming and going thing…I’m sorry, don’t disown me. I’m working on my organizing skills so I can get better with my blogging. I’ve missed ya’ll but I’ve been struggling on what to post. I even  made a post on my Facebook page because I wanted to gain some insight and get a little bit of feedback to help me out. I want to hear from YOU. I feel like me always talking about myself, or my issues was a little redundant, boring, or sometimes selfish. One reader in particular said she enjoyed my stories because they either make her laugh or they help her get through something; which brings us to this next blog topic: A Paralyzed Mindset     

paralyzed.jpgBefore I paint this picture, I want you to focus on the second definition. Don’t worry it will all make sense in a minute.

So this past weekend, I went to New Orleans for the very first time. Ya’ll, when I say I had THE time of my life! It was so much fun, and you know what topped it off? I got to see Meg Tha Stalltion, Trey Songz, Meek Mill, Travis Scott, Lil Wayne and Future perform! I went on Bourbon Street, I danced, I ate jambalya, I laughed and danced some more. Someone cue ‘Living My  Best Life’ by Lil Duval because that’s EXACTLY what I was doing. I even picked up an accent lil beby. Okay…well maybe I kinda took the accent with me but you get it. I was happy, I was having fun and I was living.

Now… what if I told you that I almost didn’t go

Yeap. I almost missed out on A LOT, not to mention that was my very first time going to New Orleans. I’m sure you’re like “why would you turn down a trip to Nola” well one, I couldn’t find a babysitter for my little minion. I went to my go-tos, one of which was going on the same trip with me. I even swallowed my pride and asked someone that for a situation like this, I would rather not.  Number two, the last blog I wrote was titled Words, and it was about the effects they can have on you if you let them. The words “you’re a bad mom and you always want to get up and go with your friends” have affected me more than I would like to accept or admit. Once I put the having a babysitter and those words together, I had my mind made up and I wasn’t going. I had friends telling me it wasn’t fair to me that I couldn’t go, they were even going out of their way to set up accommodations for my son. Yeap, the whole nine. I still said no.  I wasn’t going  because I didn’t want anyone else, mainly that one person to say I was a bad mom again.  

I was scared that if I went, I would prove those words to be true. Then, I would actually be a bad mom. The statement “all you  want to do is get up and go with your friends” would be true. Those were all made up scenarios in my head.  I was now stuck in a place of fear. I placed myself in a box that I couldn’t get out of. I was at a standstill. My thoughts were rendered. I was paralyzed. Those words affected me so bad that I was willing to (once again) place my happiness, my life and myself on the back burner because I was scared of what would be said next. Not only did I have a paralyzed mindset, but I had given that person (once again) too much power.

NEVER. AGAIN.

How many times have you found yourself in a situation where at first you’re all for it. You were going to do it. You were going to become it. You’re were going to say it. Then BOOM, a thought creeps into your mind and it puts a sudden stop on everything. That was me last week. I let those words put a stop to my happiness. Each time I would get a body part out of the box of fear, a thought would trigger me to put it right back in.

Imagine if I would have remained in that paralyzed state of mind.

No Trey Songz, No jambalya, No Nawlins Beby.

How many times have you not pursued a dream? a career? heck a date because of fear and being trapped in a paralyzed mindset? It’s easier said than done but, we have to break out of that box. We miss out on so many opportunities because of a mindset that we not only created but that we can also escape. IMG-3529 Fear is taking something you know isn’t true or real and making it out to be. I know for a fact I’m a great mom, those around me know it and see it too. I took a false statement and made it appear real all because I wanted to go on a trip. I let fear stop me or paralyze me from even wanting to go.

Another example; a friend of mine said she wanted to go back to school (which I was ecstatic about) but she wasn’t going too because someone told her “it was a waste of time since she didn’t do good the first time”. Let me be the first to tell you, it’s not a waste of time and I definitely didn’t do good the first time around — but look at me now (insert tongue out emoji).  All jokes aside, she was stuck in a box of fear based off what someone else said and her past.

The box isn’t just fear, it’s depression, anxiety, being heartbroken, stress, insecurities… It’s anything that stops you from moving forward.

How do we overcome it?

Just do it like Nike and find the positives to look forward to in each situation… because Trey Songs singing “which one of yall wanna go home with Trigga” while smiling at me was a GREAT positive to look forward too.

Once two of my friends basically bullied me into going to New Orleans, I packed my stuff (again) and got in the car.

I had fun, my kid still loves me, and I’m still a wonderful mom… I even think my legs got a little toner from all that walking.

Only thing that changed was my mindset and the power to break out of the box. 

Change your mindset.

Get out the box.

Take that trip.

Apply for that job.

Start that business.

Go back to school.

Ask them out.

Don’t let nothing or no one hold you back.

 

Posted in Old Post

Words.

I’m sure when this popped up on your TL you were full of all types of emotions and questions. Believe it or not I’m feeling the same exact way. I’m going to be completely honest with you and tell you the truth: “I’ve been getting my ish together”. I don’t have a drawn out reason or 101 excuses, I’ve literally been taking out time for myself. Making plans and executing them. Setting goals and crushing them. I’m going to apologize for my extended absence, but I’m not going to apologize for the way I feel and I feel AMAZING!

Oh and I’m Back!!

So let’s jump into this thang shall we? Let’s take it back to elementary school days. Remember when you would be like “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? Well, I’m here to tell you that’s a lie, and I don’t know why they had us by the jungle gym repeating that. Bro, if you break your bones, they heal and come back stronger… words sting and they stick. There’s some things people have said to me that will probably never go away. They might fade away like a distant memory, but something will happen to remind me of what was said. Then that sting will feel worse than when I got stung first time I heard those same words. 0056e1a8-ea89-4ca3-9d24-c7bae4d0816a

Like i just said, words have a way of replaying themselves in our mind over and over again, so much so that they go from words to thoughts. Our thoughts are powerful because what we think, we end up manifesting. That can be a good or a bad thing. Depending on who said those words, will determine the affect it has on you. If it’s someone you care about or think/thought highly of, those words will hit you a little different and sting a little harder.

 

Don’t worry there’s a method to my madness, and like always I’ll paint a picture for you.

Let me take a deep breath…

So, I was told that I was a bad mom.

Yeap, me a bad mom… Everyone that knows me, knows how I am when it comes to my mini-me. Even if you don’t know me personally, you know that when it comes to my son, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. For the past 3 years, I’ve done all that I can do when it comes to my minion. I’ve sacrificed having to commute long hours too and from work, passed up on job offers, missed out on trips, and that’s just some of the things. I can’t count the number of hours of sleep I’ve missed out on all because I want the best for my kid. I breastfed for two years while going through post partum depression all because I want the best for my kid. I lost myself, physically, mentally and emotionally — All because I wanted the best for my kid.  download1  So to hear someone that knew me to say those words, it stung… to have someone say “all you want to do is go out with your friends” stung. Now granted, I would LOVE to re-live my college days and turn up till the break of dawn but I can’t and that doesn’t even bother me, if you follow any of my personal accounts, you know for a fact I have the funniest toddler ever. Even when I do get the chance to “go out” with my friends, I’m yawing by 11pm. However, I do deserve a break. I work full time, in school for my Masters (4 classes left whoo-whoo) and I’m now studying for my PHR Certification all on top of being the best Hype-Mom ever — I deserved a break for New Years and my birthday. Those were the only two times I’ve gone out, other than that I’m getting something from Applebee’s and binge watching series on Hulu and Netflix. That doesn’t make me a bad mom… I don’t think.

People use words to battle and hurt one another terribly, tragically and even mortally.

— Bryant McGill

But people don’t look it that way, people use words to break down mentally and emotionally since they can’t get to you physically. That’s exactly what happened to me. After that conversation, anytime I looked at my son I would question myself “am I really a bad mom?” “what am I doing wrong?” “have I done anything right?”. Those words spoken by someone else made a temporary nest in my mind, that turned into thoughts, which could have ended up as permanent manifestations. Once I realized what was happening and what could end up happening, I snapped out of it.  I realized that I was giving that person too much power, and I was letting their words live rent free in my head. Then a light bulb went off, “how can you comment on my parenting if you’ve never been an actual parent”.1_-nfvjOJizW24UQqNyh4kLg.jpeg Not to be shady, but let’s be real people… If you’ve never birthed a kid, had to breastfeed one and dedicate your whole life to one full-time, there’s really nothing you can tell me when it comes to mine. In the words of Chris Brown “how you gon hate outside the club, if you can’t get in”.

 

Words are another form of ammunition, and people use them to attack you.

They will take the one thing you take the most pride in, and use it as their ammunition and try to kill it.

If I would have let her words become manifestations, she would have won. Not only would she have won, but I would have failed, and I refuse to fail at being a mom. I can fail at making pound cake, or drawing perfect eyebrows but I REFUSE to fail at being a mom. Period. Had I taken those words for granted, like most of us do, I would have been exactly what she said I was, what she wanted me to be: “bad mom”. If we’re not careful, words become our thoughts, and our thoughts become our actions. Have you ever heard someone say “speak it into existence” ?

That’s because our words are powerful

The tongue has no bones, but its strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words

Words. They are the second most powerful thing a human posses, the first are their thoughts. They’re used to lift us up, and they’re also used to bring us down. They’re used to make and break promises. They’re used to hurt, and they’re used to love — it’s up to you what you use them for.

The only words that can be used to define you, are yours.

 

 

 

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The Marathon Way of Life

It’s Wednesday, and the blog is posted!!

I told ya’ll I was gonna get back to it! I just had to find my niche and get in my zone. I’m so excited about this lol I do want ya’ll to know that as I wrote this, my hair still wasn’t done (wig game shawty), there were 7 or 8 dinosaurs in my bed along with fruit snacks and some Doritos. Don’t get me wrong, I love my threenager, it’s the rolling over on a T-Rex or Raptor that I’m not liking so much. Oh, and how can I forget, IT’S MAY!! If you’ve been talking with me for a while now, then you know May is my birthday month and I get over-excited each and every time it rolls around. This year I’m taking a much-needed getaway with my sister-friends and we’ll celebrate with our toes in the sand. 

As I was writing this blog I had the toughest time coming up with a title. I didn’t want to title it “The Marathon Continues” for a few reasonsOne being I have way too much love and respect for Nipsey Hussle (R.I.P), and I didn’t want anyone to think I was using his Legacy as “click bait”, you know how some people can be. Another thing is I didn’t want to take away from what this blog is actually about. I can guarantee you I’ll change the title of this blog at least 4 more times before it’s actually posted. 

 

Direction is more important than speed, Many are going nowhere fast

Nipsey Hussle

For the month of April, I signed up for a 30 Day Fitness Challenge. It came with a day by day workout plan and a grocery list for meal prepping. Going into it I was like “man this is nothing, I can kill this and win first place easily”… or so I thought. When I looked over the meal prep and realized there wasn’t a cheat day insight I wanted to give up instantly. After doing box jumps and dumbbell squat curl presses I was ready to throw in the towel.

  1. I went into it with the wrong mindset
  2. I was looking for a short cut (cheat day)
  3. I was ready to give up before I started

Now let’s take that same scenario and apply it to life.

We’ll think of a plan, a dream or anything for that matter and we will be all for it in the beginning. I mean we will be TURNT about this new venture we’re about to take on.  We take that first step and say “this ain’t what I thought it was”, “there has to be an easier or quicker way to get this done” or “this ain’t for me” Why? Because we’re so used to the fast-paced, fast food, microwave way of life. Everything in life is not meant to be a sprint. “Rome wasn’t built in a day” isn’t that what the old people say? or was it history teachers? I don’t know who said it, but it was said.

 

Take a deep breath and slow down. Reset and Re-focus.

About halfway through my fitness challenge I started to see and feel my results. I started to feel really good and really slim, what did Fetty Wap say? “Slim thick wit’ yo cute —” Yeap that was me all in the mirror.  But of course the longer the training went on, the harder and more intense the workouts got. I started to question if I was strong enough to finish the challenge. I started to question why I was even doing the challenge in the first place. I would constantly ask myself “is this even worth it” as I was doing push-ups or lat pull-downs.

  1. I lost determination
  2. I lost my purpose
  3. I lost hope

Have you ever been halfway through a business, download (7)a relationship or even school and went through all three of those same notions? You just don’t have the urge to continue your business, you don’t know why you’re still in this relationship or school just isn’t worth it anymore… We’re so stuck on where we are in the race, that we don’t see how far we’ve gotten in the raceWe’re tired, and there’s no flavor Gatorade that can keep us going… or is there? This is where we have to stop, catch our breath and pace ourselves. Did you know that you’re closer to the finish line than you are closer to the starting line? so there’s no point in quitting! The hard part is just confirmation that you’re going to make it.  Once we master how to get through the hard parts of our race, we’ll know how to finish the rest of it at our own pace. 

 So boom, here I am 8 lbs lighter, 5.5 inches smaller (snatched #CropTopSzn), with an inch of growth on my biceps (gun show tickets coming soon). download (6)Not only did I finish my fitness challenge but I finished it with some nice results, I might add. That’s the outlook we need to start having on our own Life Marathons.

It’s not about when we finished or how long it took to finish, it’s about the results we achieved when we finished. 

 

 

Posted in Old Post

SPRING CLEANING: TOXIC BEHAVIORS

So as I’m writing this, it’s Wednesday and technically this blog is supposed to be posted already… *face palm* I’ve started taking my braids down, and I have no clue what I’m doing to my hair for work tomorrow.  My now three year old has at least 7 different dinosaurs in the bed with us along with chocolate milk, some fruit snacks and i think I’m sitting on some Dorito crumbs… Did that give you a pretty good visual? Good, now just apply some day to day life “things” to that and you’ll see why I’ve been MIA. Everything has either been hectic, not done or all over place. I’m getting better at though, and I promise I’m going to become more consistent with my postings. Just bare with me ya’ll.

I don’t know about ya’ll, but growing up my mom and my grandma would do Spring Cleaning. I would have to get up early, go through old toys, clothes, shoes etc. and throw them or give them away. Now, on Saturday mornings I would have to clean (anyway) in order to go outside, but this Spring Cleaning was a whole different ball game… I legit felt like Cinderella before she became Cinderella the way I was cleaning… But it was something that needed to be done. 

Now, what if we took that same concept and did it with ourselves and our Toxic Behaviors… Let that marinate. Before you fly of the handle or stop reading this blog all together, hear me out. We all have toxic behaviors whether you know it or not…

So now you’re probably sitting there like:

Me? Tooooxiiiccccc? 

Yes you! Heck…even me! I know I have some toxic behaviors that I need to work on, but the thing is I know that I have them. You know what, just so you guys understand how REAL this is, I’ll touch on my behaviors first. download (5)

I have the tendency to internalize mmmmm EVERYTHING, and then I end up breaking down emotionally. I keep all of my (negative) emotions and feelings bottled up. Why is it toxic? Because it affects me in a negative way..more than one actually. Why don’t I let my feelings out? Because I don’t want to hurt the person that hurt me… WOW. I know. I allow my self to suffer emotionally and mentally on the count of another person… In all honesty, I HAVE TO STOP IT. It’s not getting me anywhere.  You know what other toxic behavior I have? I take almost everything personal. Yeap, so personal to the point that I end up overthinking the situation and then create problems that were NEVER there. Don’t believe me? Just know that when I wasn’t posted as a sister on sibling day, I started to question and re-evaluate an entire friendship… Childish? probably but I took it personal when I didn’t have too. Here’s my last one… I can know how a certain person is without a doubt, and I will still paint an unrealistic exception of them and then get mad at the end result even though I knew what was going to happen. I’m working on it though.

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So now that I’ve let you into my little toxic place, let’s take a dive into yours. We’ve already established that you have toxic behaviors too, so fix your face.

Deflect and Reject — Have you ever been around someone who blames everything on the person around them, instead of just taking ownership for what took place? They’re deflecting the issue, and rejecting the fact that it was them. For Pete’s sake, just own up to it and move on!

Positive to a negative, real quick — I remember I had gotten raise, and I was sharing it with some “friends”, one of them had the audacity to say “okay and, people get raises everyday..” like dang shorty! Who tinkled in your cheerios? Anybody who takes a positive moment and makes into a negative is not only toxic, but low-key miserable.

Selfishness — Now, it’s okay to be selfish when you’re taking time out to better yourself or get your Self-Care on. We know I’m all about that. But doing something at the expense of another person just because you can or  because it’s not you is not okay!! I’m sorry but the “well it ain’t me” or “it ain’t on my time” people urk me.. start being considerate folks!

Playing the Victim“woe is me” AHT AHT AHT! We can’t fix the past and we won’t take away from what happened in the past. However we’re not going to take it with us where ever we go. It’s up to you to either change how things are going , how they’ll be, or to just keep them how they were. If you keep playing the victim, that’s all people will ever see.

Pacifying Toxic Behavior — we all mess up. BUT to continue to overlook a person’s constant behavior is wrong. Making excuses for how they treat people or why they treat people the way they do is wrong. “It’s how he was raised”  or “that’s just her” is not a valid reason for someone to keep doing someone wrong. I’m sorry but you can only say “they didn’t mean to do it” so many times. Start holding people accountable for their wrongs, that’s the only way they’re going to change.

Sweeping it under the rug — there’s no cute way to put that. Stop letting things go unseen. We have to stop doing it. This kind of falls into the last behavior, expect with this one, no one is making excuses for it, they’re purposely overlooking the situation. No more turning a blind eye, it’s time to confront situations head on and then create a resolution.

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This list can go on and on, but these are just some of things I’ve noticed around me. I’m pretty sure you have a few of your own behaviors, or you might know a few people who exhibit these behaviors. It’s time to do some Spring Cleaning and (1) get rid of your toxic behaviors (2) help those who exhibit some toxic behaviors or (3) dismiss those who refuse to see and/or change their toxic behaviors.

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